When We Don’t Love Ourselves, We Can’t Be Loved By Someone Else

When we don’t love and accept ourselves fully, we can’t ever have a great relationship or a happy life. Our partner may whisper, “I love you so much” and we won’t believe them. We’ll always be looking for evidence that they are secretly losing interest. Did they call us when they said they would? (If they didn’t, it’s because they don’t love us.)

Did they initiate sex, or cuddle like they used to, or hold our hands when we walked down the street? (They are losing interest. They’ve met someone else. I’m less desirable than I was ten years ago.)

We can’t tell them our secret feelings or fears, because it will push them away. We feel like we “aren’t good enough” to date our crush, or we settle for someone who is “safe” or “fine” but who doesn’t make our heart leap with joy.

We don’t trust our partners (they aren’t telling the truth). We think they are cheating (where was she last night?) We carry around the pain of never feeling good enough to have the kind of love other people experience. We doubt ourselves; we doubt our partners; we doubt love.

We let challenges demoralize and deflate us, and it’s not long before we realize we’re a much smaller version of ourselves. We won’t ask for a raise; we’ll stay in dead-end jobs. We’ll lose weight and feel fatter than ever. We give up on our health, thinking it’s too hard or takes too much effort. We’ll look for quick fixes to make ourselves feel better: a new haircut, a one night stand, a bottle of bourbon, a brownie sundae.

But none of these fixes fix us at all. They leave us feeling lonelier, emptier, sadder.

And we will remain that way until we stop looking for other people to give us the love and care we yearn for and deserve. After all, why would someone else love us, if we don’t think we are worthy?

 

Loving Yourself Changes Your Life More Than Anything Else You Can Do

Here’s the thing about loving ourselves: until we do it, we don’t realize its power. We think the reason for our unhappiness is “out there,” and we go around searching for someone, or something, to solve it for us. We do whatever we can to avoid looking inward, because looking inward feels scary. It means acknowledging our sadness, remembering past hurts, facing our fears. We reject self-love as the powerful, uplifting force in our lives it can be. We reduce it to the territory of “conceited people” or scoff at the ridiculousness of “positive affirmations.” We take our credit cards, our four course meals, our barely-satisfying relationships, and we wrap ourselves in their protective cocoon… anything but acknowledging how we feel inside. But we are wrong… so very wrong about what loving ourselves means, and how it feels.
Loving yourself means you don’t hide who you really are. 

You share your feelings – even the messy ones – and own up the truth of your life and your mistakes.

You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, because you know the only opinion that matters about your self-worth is your own.

You don’t accept bad treatment, or social pressure, or feel compelled to do things you don’t want to do just because you are “supposed to.”

You can fully accept and enjoy being loved by someone else. You aren’t doubtful of their feelings. You never worry if their love will end, or if you aren’t good enough, or unworthy.

You aren’t afraid of getting hurt. You don’t push love away, or run away, or subconsciously create reasons why your relationship will let you down.

You are at peace with yourself, and can channel your energy into CREATING what you want, not PROTECTING what you don’t want to lose.

You feel giddy, light… free.

To your TOTAL empowerment!
Mahalo,
James.
All you need to do is...

 

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